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A life of Joy Unfolding

Posted on 08/28/13

I am a single parent by choice blessed with two amazing souls, names Seamus and Cara because of our sperm donor, 3912.

My journey began one day when I summoned the guts to call a small sperm bank on Potrero Hill in San Francisco. My research taught me that there was a difference between anonymous and "willing to be known" and this happened to be one of the places with more willing to be known donors. I opened binders with photos of babies and chose one based on smile and the sparkle in eyes.

After many attempts at IUIs and a failed IVF, I changed donors. Not sure why, but an instinctual trip back to the binders brought hope and inspiration to “restart my journey with a fresh cycle of IVF treatments My donor this time was also willing to be known but seemed more adventurous and assertive and my doctor and I laughed that this could be the lucky combination that upped my success rate. In a world filled with statistics and slim chances, we decided the least amount of science and most amount of luck thrown at the situation could not hurt. My IVF treatment with Seamus was successful and the unfolding wonder and surprise over the last four years have brought absolute joy to my life.

I am lucky to be in California and to have met a network of other single parents, donor parents and families and even our "sibling families". We are continually warmed by the support of those who understand this world. I have often told women who are considering this path that it is a world unknown to them until they walk through the doors and start meeting all the people who encourage, support and understand.

I used the same donor, 3912, again and an egg donor, as well as a surrogate, to have my baby daughter and now my children will share 3912 as part of their life story. This far outweighs the struggles I have had reconciling the views of the Catholic Church, family friends of other generations or even my male dominated work life of people that want to view my actions as something that does not make sense or out of the ordinary.

I think of 3912, a lot, while I am driving, or when I see my son do something so unfamiliar yet lively in surprise and hope he is happy and somehow knows of the amazing gift he gave to me. I will thank him for the rest of my life.