As we at the Donor Sibling Registry are “redefining family” many of us will have the opportunity to include as new “family” members people who come from different socio-economic, geographic and political backgrounds. In addition, we may connect with others with different sexual orientations than our own.
I have recently heard from a member whose child was so excited to have found a half sibling on the DSR, only to hear from the match’s parent that a connection would not be made because of the first mother’s sexual orientation. This is not about defining connection/match success as getting along or having a multitude of things in common. (How many of our family members that we actually grew up with think/act/believe as we do?)It’s about honoring the curiosities and connections that the donor conceived yearn for. It’s about celebrating these connections.
For parents we need to be willing to examine our own fears, prejudices, preconceived notions and hesitations and then be willing to do what’s in the best interests of our children in spite of them. I see this all the time with the non-biological parent, both straight and gay, in the DI family. Many times these parents have hesitations and fears about their kids connecting to their donor families. Time after time, I see these folks rise above their own discomfort to do what they know is best for their kids.
Reaching out to donor families can be an opportunity to connect with people that you might not have otherwise. It can be an opportunity to widen and enrich your family circle.