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A very happy new beginning

Posted on 05/26/11

When I decided to begin my family journey as a single mother using a donor dad, I really didn't give much thought to donor siblings. During my pregnancy, I'd often think about how the who's my daddy question might play out for my son. I imagined scenarios and how I might best answer questions and reinforce his value. I thought about how I would feel if the donor dad was one day open to a relationship with my son and more importantly, how I would feel if he was not. I practiced all sorts of different ways to tell my son his beautiful story and I was always clear that I would be absolutely honest.

But for some reason, I just didn't give much thought to donor siblings. It wasn't until my son was well into his second year that a mild curiosity began nibbling at my thoughts. I googled and found the Donor Sibling Registry and searched the database. Nada. I would peek back every couple of months. Nada.

I didn't post my information because I hadn't really worked out how I felt about opening my family up to who knows how many other families. I hadn't imagined and practiced the sibling scenario in my mind. I didn't know how I'd feel or respond. But I would soon find out.

On February 1, 2011, I entered my donor dad's ID# and up popped a message that said Girl Born Nov 2008. My son was born in December of 2008. Not only did my son have a biological half sister, but they were almost exactly the same age. The joy and excitement that overwhelmed me on reading that simple message was totally unanticipated. I wrote to the parents as quickly as my shaking fingers allowed.

In the ensuing months, we have written back and forth at least 100 times. We have exchanged lots of pictures and stories. We have sent gifts back and forth. We, and our kids, have talked on video Skype. And on May 6th, our flight touched down at JFK airport and we got to spend the most joyous Mother's Day weekend together.

Our kids are two and half years old. They are only 3 weeks apart in age. They are so alike and they are so different. They spent 4 days together fighting and playing and then fighting some more. Within our individual families they were only children. In our new family they are very much sister and brother. There aren't words to explain the sense of peace that has given us as parents. There's no yardstick that can measure how much this has enriched our lives. Hey - they don't have to like each other, but they will grow up having each other - and that's what family is all about!

My information is now posted on the DSR under our donor dad's ID. We know that every donor family's journey is unique and that even if we find another sibling or the donor himself, those bonds will be different. But I thought it only fair to put our story out there in case there are other lurkers who haven't been able to imagine what a match might bring.

In our case, it's brought a very happy new beginning.

Thank you so much Wendy and the DSR!